Here are four updates from past letter-writers.
1. The ethics of lying about a Glassdoor review (#4 at the link)
I wrote to you in September about the ethics of lying if I was asked if I wrote a not-great review of my employer on Glassdoor; I have a minor update.
I was never asked if I wrote that review or not (I know my company saw it because HR did post a generic “That’s not our expectations, please contact us” response) so I never ended up having to lie.
The large part of my review was about my terrible experience with our health insurance. During our open enrollment season I had conflicts with the company-wide open enrollment information sessions so I never attended any, which was probably for the best (the health insurance options were unchanged).
However … in my review I did drag the CEO specifically about how he likes to constantly mention CrossFit in his company-wide weekly emails. Since my review was posted, there has been no mention of CrossFit in any of those emails; I’m going take that as a win.
2. Why shouldn’t you say where you’re going when you resign? (#4 at the link)
I took Alison’s advice in the context of leaving my most recent job, and I was pretty open with my previous employer as to where I was going. They were sad about it but everyone in my division was also excited and happy for me. I learned two things from this experience:
1. Telling people was a good move for me, since my previous work and current work interact. Think that company A makes pots, and company B sells pots. Telling people where I was going set me up for warm relations with my former coworkers, since I am still interacting with them regularly, just from the other side.
2. I discovered that my previous grandboss had at least one connection to my new job, although he of course did not do anything to stop me moving. However, If I had been in a toxic environment, I would have to agree with the comments who said not to tell, since you never know who may sink you. Frankly, I was surprised that he knew anyone at my new company, since they are fairly small. Just goes to show you never know who has connections with who.
Thanks for your advice.
3. Can’t get an answer to a time-off request from new job (#3 at the link)
We found your advice to be helpful! I will say that after reading the comments, I realized that in trying to simplify my question, I didn’t explain our situation well and people really got hung up on the amount of time off that my partner was requesting off, when my question was meant to be about the expectations for asking for time off at a new job, regardless of the amount of time. It seemed odd that the company was dragging their feet so much to give an answer. People accept new jobs all the time with trips booked, so I figured it would be a relatable situation. It was my bad for not providing enough info or maybe too much, ha!
It’s a long and twisted tale: basically we were in the process of moving from our home in Alaska to a job on the other side of the country and had family planning to visit us in June in Alaska (with their flights already booked), so had asked for a few large chunks of time off to host family and tie up loose ends. The company knew that they were asking my partner to start sooner than was realistic for us, but we were trying to make it work. Thus, it was frustrating when they were slow to say “yay” or “nay” to specific dates and made us wonder if there wasn’t a culture of respecting vacation time or personal lives.
We did end up being able to go in June to host our visitors and then again this fall to tie up the rest of the loose ends, so it worked out fine. Though the company continues to be a bit odd about time off, with no real process for requesting leave, my partner is enjoying his job.
Overall, we’re very happy that we did follow through with the job and move because our new location has a wealth of opportunities, and I was even able to switch into a new position myself that is much more fulfilling than what I was doing before. Regardless of whether my partner stays at this company or not, it was what we needed to make the change in our lives. Thanks again for the advice!
4. Coworker says she hates me and refuses to have any contact … and my boss told me to fix it
Jane quit over the summer. Before she left, I did talk with her (after months of avoidance). In my final conversation with her, she did share some information with me to help understand her experience. Jane had some key collaborators who refused to work with her from the beginning, refused meetings, and refused to share information. I’m unclear if this was due to Jane’s approach, or other prioritization going on. This led to at least one of Jane’s outbursts, which further separated her from clients and made her job near impossible to complete. If I had known the root cause, and having an established relationship with the other clients, I would have gladly stepped in, but Jane was too prideful to ask for advice or help. I think she was relieved to leave; once she announced her resignation, it was a 180 in personality, she was smiling, being funny, and interactive with the rest of the team. As for me and my team, we were relieved from the stress that Jane caused.
At one point, I did suggest pulling in a neutral third party to assist with facilitating cordial conversation, and my manager refused to engage anyone to step in to help clear the air. Since Jane had also accused me of wrong-doings (which were untrue), my manager was afraid she’d have to terminate both of us for violating the code of conduct. In general, my manager is notorious for not dealing with personnel issues. My grandboss is an absolute tyrant, which is also likely why my manager wanted to sweep this under the rug and was so willing to overlook Jane’s behaviors. Jane’s replacement uncovered additional behavioral issues that occurred with clients, and we did learn of other complaints that were made about her. I have vowed that as long as I stay with this company, I am limiting the information that I share with my manager, including bananapants encounters.
